I sometimes hear from wives who wonder for how long they are expected to have an angry attitude toward their husband after he has cheated. Frankly, some women have no problems maintaining MeetMe.com Reviews their anger. In fact, it is hard for some to envision a time when their anger might fade into something that is no longer so red hot. They are sometimes faced with a husband who is demanding to know for how long they intend to stay angry, since he hopes that it is not going to last forever.
From those wives you might hear a
comment like: "the only reason my husband still stands a chance with me is
because of our kids and because of the fact that I love his mother like my own.
I have repeatedly told him throughout our marriage that if he cheats on me, we
are done. Well, I just found out that he has cheated on me. And I am so furious
that I can hardly concentrate on anything else. I will admit that I am treating
him badly these days and that I retaliate against him, but he absolutely
deserves it. The other day, he said that he hopes that I don't intend to be
angry forever because he isn't sure that he can live this way forever. MeetMe Frankly, I
have no plans of backing off any time soon. If he didn't want to receive my
wrath, he shouldn't have cheated. Don't I have a right to be angry for as long
as I want?"
On the other extreme, I sometimes
hear from wives who are having a hard time maintaining their anger even though
they know that this same anger is more than justified. From these wives, I
might hear something like: "for how long are you supposed to be angry with
a cheating husband? My husband went on a fishing trip as part of a high school
reunion. He had a one night stand after a night of drinking. He told me
immediately. This isn't like him and I think that there is a good chance that
he will not repeat this behavior. It is tearing him up inside and it's written
all over his face how horribly sorry he is about all of this. My sister said
that I should throw him out. She said that I should at least make him leave the
house for a while so he sees how it feels knowing that he might lose me. I
understand why she is saying this. She might be right. The problem is, I can't
stay angry at my husband. I never could. I hate conflict. Honestly, our
marriage has struggled lately because of my health issues. I'm not making
excuses for him, but I sort of understand. MeetMe.com Is there
some set amount of time that I'm supposed to be angry with him until things get
back to normal?"
There Is Justification Either Way:
You can see both ends of this spectrum. The truth is, there is no written or
unwritten rule about how long you need to angry at your cheating spouse. Some
people are able to let go of their anger right away because they are fully
aware that holding onto the anger is only draining them and isn't doing any
good for themselves, their spouse, or their marriages. And some people see this
in the opposite way, they can't imagine themselves ever being able to lay down
their anger because the betrayal was so huge and hurtful. They understandably
feel very justified in their anger. And frankly, many people are afraid of
letting go of their anger. Because they don't want to give off the appearance
that they in any way condone the affair. And they figure as long as they are
angry, their spouse will be reminded of his mistake and he will be afraid to
repeat it.
The thing is, the anger can
deteriorate your happiness as well as his. And it's exhausting to hold onto
that anger. It seeps into other areas of your life in robs your happiness in
places that have nothing to do with the cheating. I know that you can think
that if you lay down your anger, he might cheat again. But frankly some
husbands are more likely to cheat again because of the anger. They feel that
they can never win and they become tired of always feeling like the bad guy.
Finding Balance With Anger: The
ideal is finding balance. You don't want to pretend that you aren't angry or
disappointed when in fact you are. You can certainly let your husband know how
disappointed you are and what you need going forward without falling back on
the anger, but you should never diminish your own feelings.
I honestly think that you can be
angry for as long as you feel that you need to as long as your anger is not
holding you back from healing and moving forward. And this is sometimes easier
said than done. Don't allow anger to drive you. At the same time, you can let
your anger go as soon as it feels right to do so as long as you're not avoiding
conflict at the detriment of yourself. I know that it can be hard to strike a
balance. That's why I've always found it helpful to journal in order to release
or explore your anger so that it isn't feeding your actions when you're trying
to move forward.
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