I sometimes hear from wives who are just starting to consider the idea of staying with the husband who was unfaithful. And many of them are struggling with this idea because they can't imagine how any woman with an ounce of self esteem or self respect would stay with a man who betrayed her. MeetMe.com Reviews These wives can wonder what this says about their character.
An example of the type of comment
that you might hear is: "my husband cheated on me with the woman who takes
care of our garden. He insists that it is over. But I am not sure if I believe
him. He has fired her. But I still think that he acts weird and distant
sometimes. He is begging me not to leave him. And I am considering this for a
couple of reasons. The first reason is because of my children. My husband is
not my children's father, but he has given my children a family that they otherwise
would not have had. I don't really want my children growing up with only a
single mother. The second reason that I am thinking about staying is because of
stability. MeetMe If I am
being honest, being married to my husband allows me the stability to stay home
with my children. I honestly don't want to have to go out and get a job. I
don't have many skills. And I can't even imagine who would hire me. I am not
proud of any of this. But that is my reality. One of my biggest concerns is how
am I ever going to retain my self respect if I stay with my husband? What kind
of person stays with a man who cheated?"
Before I try to give you my opinion
on this, I have to make a very important distinction. I think that there is a
difference between staying with a man who cheated in the past tense (and who
you believe will not cheat again) and the man who is still actively cheating.
There is a huge difference between the two in terms of self respect, at least
in my opinion. Because when you stay with a man who is no longer cheating and
who is very motivated to become rehabilitated, then you are staying because you
truly believe that this was a one time event that will never happen again. MeetMe.com You're not
staying while conceding to look the other way while he cheats, because you
believe that he most certainly is not going to be cheating again. You're
committing to a future in which you believe he is going to be completely
faithful.
However, this reality is different
from staying with a man who is still actively cheating. In that case, you are
choosing to continue on with your marriage even when you know that he's not
being faithful to you. I'm not saying that there can not be self respect in
this scenario. There can, especially if you have high hopes that your situation
is going to change in the future. But I think that retaining your self respect
is more challenging if the cheating is still happening or is still active.
Maintaining Your Self Respect Has
As Much To Do With You As It Does With Him: This wife was concerned about her
self respect, but most of her attention was on her husband. She was worried
about what would happen in her life if she were to challenge her marriage.
Because she didn't think that she could stand on her own. I'm not about to
suggest that she put her children's home life in jeopardy just to prove a
point. I wouldn't have done that either. But I am going to suggest that you
consider working on yourself so that you minimize your risk in the future. I
can't stress this enough. I was in a similar situation. Because I raised my
children while my husband worked, I worried that my skills were limited. So
after the affair, I set out to obtain more education and more skills. That way,
although I choose to stay with my husband because I wanted to keep my family
together, I knew that I didn't need my husband any more to keep food on the
table. This went a long way toward helping me to maintain my self respect. I
also started asking for what I wanted and needed in the relationship. I
realized that my wants and needs mattered just as much as his.
What Kind Of Woman Stays?: In terms
of self respect, I'm often asked "what kind of wife stays with a husband
who cheated?" I'm going to try to answer that question. But remember,
there can be a difference between a husband who cheated in the past and who is
making things right in the present and the husband who is still cheating. Here
is my answer. The type of woman who stays is often the one who wants to keep
her family together. She is the one who still sees the good in her husband and
who believes that with hard work and rehabilitation, then perhaps he deserves
just more chance. She's the type of woman who will hang in there when times get
hard rather than walking away before she fights for what she has worked so hard
for. I don't mean to sound defensive, but it bothers me when people insinuate
that there is something wrong with a woman who stays. Often, people who make
these judgements don't know the back story. They don't understand all of the
hard work that goes into rehabilitation and they don't understand that this
isn't a decision that any one takes lightly.
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