I sometimes hear from women who are struggling to come to a decision about their relationship after their boyfriend, MeetMe.com Reviews partner or husband has cheated on them. If this isn't confusing and upsetting enough, he's often begging her to go to counseling so that she won't leave him right away.
An example is a comment like:
"I have always trusted my fiancé completely. Sometimes, he goes out with
his single friends and I know that those guys go to bars and check out girls.
But this has never bothered me because I knew that my boyfriend was loyal and a
stand up guy. Well, this belief all came crashing down a couple of weeks ago.
One of my boyfriend's best friends was using a dating service to meet someone. MeetMe The
service was hosting an event for singles and he asked my boyfriend to go in
order to support him. My boyfriend told me all about it and said that he
wouldn't go if I didn't want him to. I honestly didn't have any concerns about
this. I suppose that was naive of me. Because while at this event, my boyfriend
met a girl and went home with her. He told me about it a couple of weeks later.
And it eventually came out that he had cheated with her more than once. He said
he was telling me because he still wants to marry me and he doesn't want to
start our marriage with these secrets between us. He has even researched
counselors and found one who has agreed to see us. I am torn. I love him. I
hate to end our relationship. But at the same time, I don't want a marriage in
which I'm always afraid my husband is going to cheat on me. My parents had this
kind of marriage and I would never accept this type of relationship. So part of
me feels that I should just cut my losses now and find someone else who I know
will always be faithful to me, although I realize that this might take a long
time and be a long search. Is it even worth it to agree to go to counseling if
I have all of these doubts and if I am pretty sure that it is going to be a
waste of time?"
This isn't something that anyone
can decide for you. But, I'm happy to give you the perspective of someone who
has been in this situation. I also hear from a lot of people who have
experienced similar things. MeetMe.com It's my
experience that counseling can be incredibly helpful. Quite frankly, I wouldn't
call it a waste of time even if you ultimately can't and don't save your
relationship. Why would I say this? Because even if you can't save your
relationship, you will gain perspective and support. You will have a safe place
in which to release all of your feelings and to obtain feedback from a
professional so that when you resume this relationship or begin a new one, you
aren't dragging the baggage of this incident with you.
Also, many men who cheat are not
willing to go to counseling even when their wife or girlfriend is begging him
and giving them ultimatums. So, the fact that this man is not only willing to
go but took the initiative to find the counselor is a very promising sign. I
would consider meeting him halfway, but I do completely understand your
hesitation.
After my husband's affair, I didn't
even want to see him, much less sit in a counselor's office with him. I won't
lie and tell you that the counseling was a party or fun. It wasn't, especially
at first. But after a very short time, I started to notice that the whole thing
no longer felt so heavy. It started to give me a little bit of a relief to be
able to unload and say what I needed to say. Also, I found that she was able to
bring out things that were really bothering me which I hadn't yet thought
about, much less tries to articulate. Even if I hadn't have chosen to save my
marriage, I would have found it helpful.
Once we were able to get out the
resentments of the affair, we were able to rebuild our marriage to a place
where it was actually stronger. So yes, I am glad that I was open to this. With
that said, I used some self help resources that were very effective also. I
think what is most important is that you do make it a priority to deal with
this, regardless of whether you end up saving your relationship. There are a
number of ways to do this, but counseling is a very effective way. And if you
have a partner willing to walk that route with you, then it makes sense to try.
I know that it can be tempting to just walk away and pretend that this never
happened. But people who have tried this have told me that this doesn't really
work well, because it just follows you around and haunts you until you deal
with it.
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